1st week back to work, Day time job!!! Almost forgot how it feels to finish work at 6PM daily...
This is great!! Helena is here, she turned her head gave me a wink. Alex is here, typing on his computer, emotionless as usual... DRY! and the rest of the day team... yayyyyy!!! felt like i have never left. Put the violin away, and stop being like a drama queen now Shannon, its only been like less than a month..
No longer need to send Helena my Daily doctor reports, just Thyone now, one down one to go.... the 2 girls who I always selfishly dump all my bad news on 1st, the 2 girls who I see and feel love, care, worry, sadness, just from the look of their eyes....
By choice i would love to not say anything about my illness to anyone, certainly don't need everyone running after me with plans of Catching up...But then i will go crazy if i don't share the detail a little.. When u don't have disciplines, who is there to watch over and tell you off? those ones who cares, your family who knows what is happening. In my case those 2 are my family.. when I listen, (very rarely) then you know, I see you as my family.With the attitude to kill, ready to make changes, and make myself worthy. Positive, happy!!! I see the surprised faces in and out of the office, been offered all sort of catch up plans... Amazing, should get sick more often, see all the attentions I'm getting!!! I've talked and explained, what should people know is out in the air, feel lighter, better already.
Now lets catch up with my so called friends.... OK, Now, others are making the efforts and plans!!excited, i'm getting spoiled... hummmm....48 hours later..all i have been catching up its the empty promises and plans was never planned???? I know why, I'm not longer that easy going Shannon I once am, I'm not longer the organiser who make plans. for those who I know for longer, I understand everyone has a busy, different life, and a very different way of act on changes. I dont expect much form you, Its just a dinner YOU "planned" it, no decision in 48 hours, where are the efforts?? For those who I met no longer ago, as soon as I'm not the health me, you are not the same "friend".. Do you really need to make that "effort" to be my friend? Is it that hard? I start to feel like that junk mail of viagra are becomg more of a friend to me, at least i know i have a daily visit from it whether i like it or not!!!
Please don't tell me you want to catch up over dinner when you cant even come up with a plan in 48 hours... please don't say you will be here, when you used to call, text and hangout but suddenly disappeared, please don't start our conversation about you and yourself... and can you help me on this and that, you haven't been in contact, but when you do you need something to be done................... even worst, booty call me at 3am on weekly basics!!
I am getting angry, Wow I thought the plan to work day time its for me to be close to my FRIENDS AND FAMILY.... Re a sad comment on my last post about selfish people...
Two qualities in friends that irritate me the most.. SELFISHNESS, THOUGHTLESSNESS. "friends" who have those qualities I dislike, they are also the 2 qulalitest that we all have, but some don't have them enough, I'd be feeling less angry if i did have more of them!! If I accepting my own selfishness, and my own thoughtlessness, and if i was OK with sharing my own dramas a bit more with the world, and with being centre of attention just little bit more, that i would be far less likely to be irritated when i see other who has those qualities too. Shame I care way too much...
My plan of talking to my best friend Sofia in south of France last for 3hours, Bea joined in, 3 of us had a blast, just like the old days!!! We didn't have to say a word about me being sick.... all i needed was that simple company, that i will never ask or force anyone into it..
Why do i have so many "friends" when i was healthy? i asked... and look where are they now? I was so sure making friends before you need them its the way too go!! Sofia's answer, baby you had so many people coming and going in your life i have lost track... time to recognised the good ones only...
True what she said, but I did meet Bea, Helen,Thyone and herself through a traffic of new people coming to my life!!! Real friends like them are the ones who walks in when others walks out... and trust me, I will live long enough to filter it.. I'm not even going to get mad anymore, clearly this was not what the doctor ordered.. I'm just going to learn to expect the lowest out of people i thought the highest of... and care about the ones who worth my love..
All i can say its that,Everything will be OK in the END, if it's not OK, it's not the END.
LITTLEMISSSUNSHINE
xxxx
This is great!! Helena is here, she turned her head gave me a wink. Alex is here, typing on his computer, emotionless as usual... DRY! and the rest of the day team... yayyyyy!!! felt like i have never left. Put the violin away, and stop being like a drama queen now Shannon, its only been like less than a month..
No longer need to send Helena my Daily doctor reports, just Thyone now, one down one to go.... the 2 girls who I always selfishly dump all my bad news on 1st, the 2 girls who I see and feel love, care, worry, sadness, just from the look of their eyes....
By choice i would love to not say anything about my illness to anyone, certainly don't need everyone running after me with plans of Catching up...But then i will go crazy if i don't share the detail a little.. When u don't have disciplines, who is there to watch over and tell you off? those ones who cares, your family who knows what is happening. In my case those 2 are my family.. when I listen, (very rarely) then you know, I see you as my family.With the attitude to kill, ready to make changes, and make myself worthy. Positive, happy!!! I see the surprised faces in and out of the office, been offered all sort of catch up plans... Amazing, should get sick more often, see all the attentions I'm getting!!! I've talked and explained, what should people know is out in the air, feel lighter, better already.
Now lets catch up with my so called friends.... OK, Now, others are making the efforts and plans!!excited, i'm getting spoiled... hummmm....48 hours later..all i have been catching up its the empty promises and plans was never planned???? I know why, I'm not longer that easy going Shannon I once am, I'm not longer the organiser who make plans. for those who I know for longer, I understand everyone has a busy, different life, and a very different way of act on changes. I dont expect much form you, Its just a dinner YOU "planned" it, no decision in 48 hours, where are the efforts?? For those who I met no longer ago, as soon as I'm not the health me, you are not the same "friend".. Do you really need to make that "effort" to be my friend? Is it that hard? I start to feel like that junk mail of viagra are becomg more of a friend to me, at least i know i have a daily visit from it whether i like it or not!!!
Please don't tell me you want to catch up over dinner when you cant even come up with a plan in 48 hours... please don't say you will be here, when you used to call, text and hangout but suddenly disappeared, please don't start our conversation about you and yourself... and can you help me on this and that, you haven't been in contact, but when you do you need something to be done................... even worst, booty call me at 3am on weekly basics!!
I am getting angry, Wow I thought the plan to work day time its for me to be close to my FRIENDS AND FAMILY.... Re a sad comment on my last post about selfish people...
Two qualities in friends that irritate me the most.. SELFISHNESS, THOUGHTLESSNESS. "friends" who have those qualities I dislike, they are also the 2 qulalitest that we all have, but some don't have them enough, I'd be feeling less angry if i did have more of them!! If I accepting my own selfishness, and my own thoughtlessness, and if i was OK with sharing my own dramas a bit more with the world, and with being centre of attention just little bit more, that i would be far less likely to be irritated when i see other who has those qualities too. Shame I care way too much...
My plan of talking to my best friend Sofia in south of France last for 3hours, Bea joined in, 3 of us had a blast, just like the old days!!! We didn't have to say a word about me being sick.... all i needed was that simple company, that i will never ask or force anyone into it..
Why do i have so many "friends" when i was healthy? i asked... and look where are they now? I was so sure making friends before you need them its the way too go!! Sofia's answer, baby you had so many people coming and going in your life i have lost track... time to recognised the good ones only...
True what she said, but I did meet Bea, Helen,Thyone and herself through a traffic of new people coming to my life!!! Real friends like them are the ones who walks in when others walks out... and trust me, I will live long enough to filter it.. I'm not even going to get mad anymore, clearly this was not what the doctor ordered.. I'm just going to learn to expect the lowest out of people i thought the highest of... and care about the ones who worth my love..
All i can say its that,Everything will be OK in the END, if it's not OK, it's not the END.
LITTLEMISSSUNSHINE
xxxx
....don't forget about your german family here!!! we love uuuuu...your chicken
ReplyDelete