Chemo...one down three to go.....
I'm still not sure what the hell is going on, I'm tired all the time, sleep like a bear in the winter.. bone pain comes and go, not to mention all the other pain all around my body..pain killer become my best friend....
The worst part is the bone pain, i was given a shot after my infusion of the chemo to boost the production of the white cells to fight off infection, this stuff is called Neulasta, its a new drug, the name sounds so powerful, and apparently it will help me last..it feels like they were breaking from inside, like the worst growing pain... today its my 3rd days after the chemo... pain is going away... doctor told me that I'm young, I'm fighting it quicker than he think i will, that i am lucky and i should take a walk out of the house... i may just do that.
I see it all the time in books, or movies or worse, "the news". "x,y,z's life changed that day" "that was the day everything changed"I think all of that is bullshit, it takes more than an event or a moment to change a life or a person, this is because change takes time, i may change, but its not because of a day or an event, i will change because of a process, change takes time...a person's life doesn't just change in an instant or in a day! I have always think like that... how long is my change going to take?
I may be better physically, but my brain still seems clueless about the situation, i haven't dealt with any of this on an emotional level, this has taken a long time. way too long...
David my doctor said I'm Lucky, what is luck? i didn't feel lucky, i felt scared, confused, angry, and incredible amount of the pain.. but i can carry on feeling like that, or i can lie to myself that i feel great.....for a moment i pity myself...whats is wrong with u Shannon...once again u ignore the goods focus on the bads...
everyday for me is a changing process, if i choose not to see those things that help me to get better then i will always stay at where i am, confuse.com..
So i start to go through my brain and msgs, found all the treasures that help me to change... FRIENDS..
those who be with me over last weekend to help me forget about this horrible treatment..
those who took me out for my craving on Asian food on Sunday..
those who wanted to hold my hand through out my 1st treatment
those who sat next to me watching me falling asleep, bring me food and make me realise "yes you do listen mouse"
those who bring me flower and sat next to me watch non stop X factor
those who make me smile with never stop encouraging words, jokes "have you done ur marathon around the house yet"
those who want to come cook plain food knowing that i cant keep food down..Tornado
those who being there every time i crying out loud for help just being there to listen......
those who i can get hold with just by a msg on the phone....
I am lucky, amount of the friends along my side.. and the positive energy, supports I'm getting.. yes i am indeed lucky... i have a family of my own, a circle of friends who is my family...
just after Sylvia put me into sleep,brought me a green tea and hot water bottle... she posted on my face book wall ONE DONE THREE TO GO...
xxxx
I'm still not sure what the hell is going on, I'm tired all the time, sleep like a bear in the winter.. bone pain comes and go, not to mention all the other pain all around my body..pain killer become my best friend....
The worst part is the bone pain, i was given a shot after my infusion of the chemo to boost the production of the white cells to fight off infection, this stuff is called Neulasta, its a new drug, the name sounds so powerful, and apparently it will help me last..it feels like they were breaking from inside, like the worst growing pain... today its my 3rd days after the chemo... pain is going away... doctor told me that I'm young, I'm fighting it quicker than he think i will, that i am lucky and i should take a walk out of the house... i may just do that.
I see it all the time in books, or movies or worse, "the news". "x,y,z's life changed that day" "that was the day everything changed"I think all of that is bullshit, it takes more than an event or a moment to change a life or a person, this is because change takes time, i may change, but its not because of a day or an event, i will change because of a process, change takes time...a person's life doesn't just change in an instant or in a day! I have always think like that... how long is my change going to take?
I may be better physically, but my brain still seems clueless about the situation, i haven't dealt with any of this on an emotional level, this has taken a long time. way too long...
David my doctor said I'm Lucky, what is luck? i didn't feel lucky, i felt scared, confused, angry, and incredible amount of the pain.. but i can carry on feeling like that, or i can lie to myself that i feel great.....for a moment i pity myself...whats is wrong with u Shannon...once again u ignore the goods focus on the bads...
everyday for me is a changing process, if i choose not to see those things that help me to get better then i will always stay at where i am, confuse.com..
So i start to go through my brain and msgs, found all the treasures that help me to change... FRIENDS..
those who be with me over last weekend to help me forget about this horrible treatment..
those who took me out for my craving on Asian food on Sunday..
those who wanted to hold my hand through out my 1st treatment
those who sat next to me watching me falling asleep, bring me food and make me realise "yes you do listen mouse"
those who bring me flower and sat next to me watch non stop X factor
those who make me smile with never stop encouraging words, jokes "have you done ur marathon around the house yet"
those who want to come cook plain food knowing that i cant keep food down..Tornado
those who being there every time i crying out loud for help just being there to listen......
those who i can get hold with just by a msg on the phone....
I am lucky, amount of the friends along my side.. and the positive energy, supports I'm getting.. yes i am indeed lucky... i have a family of my own, a circle of friends who is my family...
just after Sylvia put me into sleep,brought me a green tea and hot water bottle... she posted on my face book wall ONE DONE THREE TO GO...
xxxx
