Everyone is fighting their own battle...even the happy ones, yes...

Very bad week, started with discovered friends who like to pick and choose plan that's beneficial the most to them, follow by having my boss's voice in my ear saying how i had to keep him updated with my condition, when he could have spend that 2 mins ask me instead of asking others, but "no offence I'm your boss you report to me" Alex says.. and on top of everything else he is not happy about, apparently I'm not been trusted for my work.. this are coming from my closest friend/boss... Then i had been told that I'm a unease, complicated person and i explain too much.and i make small things seems bigger.(wow i didn't know i have such many qualities)...... here is how i feel towards to these people..

I am sick and tired of people who have so much sorrow for their own struggles and a total lack of empathy for other peoples struggles. I am tired of attempting to be there for other people, only to discover over and over again, that the carelessness of mind that led to their problems will affect me in the end as they exercise their carelessness with me. I am tired of being unperceivable in my relationships, yet having to navigate the endless projections of others concerning who I may be. I am tired of being interpreted through my performance of self. rather than being judged by my potential to be responsive to everything that effects me. Most of all, I am tired of being used and worn down by obligations to the people I love. I am angry that I surrounded by overwhelming social stupidity and protectionism.

I am perhaps most angry that I am so scare to be alone.. but then it is so frustrating to occupy myself confronting the stupidity in so many people. I am now even angry at myself for the horrible things I wish upon stupid people everywhere who insist on a right and wrong, good and evil.

GRRRR... I have taken a deep breathe.. start finishing me and Sylvia's 1000 pieces puzzle...  it really worked... calm me down instantly..
In life i have learnt that making people happy is the best feeling in the world, but i have seem it with my own eyes feel with my heart, that the person who tries to keep everyone happy is always the most lonely person. so never leave them alone because they will never say they need you.. it is hard to see the signs of loneliness, specially when someone seems so upbeat and happy.. i wish i could be selfish, so i would be less lonely and less angry over misunderstandings....so i have decided to give a break from being happy happy today...not the happiest blog ever... but a lesson....

When something bad/disappointed happens you have 3 choices,
1.You can either let it define you
2. Let it destroy you
3. Or you can let it strengthen you....

Art of drawing without an eraser = life

Very intense 2 weeks, had 8 treatments what made me sleep a lot, and painful while im at it.. lost a lot of brain cells but feeling stronger, or just the price tag of the treatment convenced me that, couldn't figure out. one thing im certain of, quitting ciggy helped thats for sure.

Facebook has became my closest and most loyal friend, I will chat with friends on it, go through peoples pages, find out all sort of things, whats going on in the city, events thats happening, all great informations, the not so pleasant part is to make up story on others life from what people post on their pages, Facebook stalking... Fun from time to time, but i've got suck into a world of attention seeking.... and i was not surprise that everyone does a bit of stalking on it...

My relationship with Facebook its base on my job, I use it to expose myself to thousands of people, tell them where i am and what i'm doing, post some cool musics, funny things i see in my daily life.. healthy relationship i would say, to promote the night club i work at, to delivery a style i have... it works...But when people use Facebook on their personal life and expose their relationship with others, that is when it gets dangers, its really not a rocket science... a simple picture or a statuts will lead to millions questions... when i see those things i DONT like to think twice, i have learnt from life, whatever you read from news paper are not necessarily true.. another point is that, whatever you read, it happened already, its the pass.. what are you going to do.. holding on the history that you read? how about looking forward to future, make you own history??

I was never good at history, i had never show interested in this subject at school.. the only thing i love about it, its hold on to the dreams i had in the pass, and hope one day they will become true in my future. As i go through life i try to remember that i have to go through life not being able to go backwards. Every thing i do and every minute i spend are things done and time spent that i will never be able to get back, so i must choose wisely on how, who and what i devote my time to. A lot of people make mistakes in life and then later on regret them, i learnt to realize that what is done is done, and i can't get it back. We have to live life with no regrets, no animosity towards people or things of the past, so that we won't lose our progress.

It doesn't bother me too much if i see a comment that i dont particularity like on Facebook, i wont press the like bottom thats for sure.. but getting into a war of gossiping, cloud my thoughts with few concern phone calls from the "caring/ nosy" friends, these are the things i try to avoid... ohhh the joy of Facebook stalking... I always said to myself, if you dont want regrets, get yourself out of it now, if you are not sure about anything, ask a question instead of gossip!

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, None of us want to be the type of person that lives everyday thinking of what could have been, and thinking of the things that we wish that we would have done, life is too short to always be thinking should've, would've, could've. its perfectly ok to think things over, but sometimes we just have to take life as it comes by....

We have to learn from our past, and learn from our mistakes, and live without the fear of making a mistake, because it is inevitable that we will, when we go through life we have to imagine that every decision that we make is being written with a huge permanent marker, not a pen and not a pencil. we are going to be reminded of our pasts because of our present situations, but the only thing that can limit you from achieving big things in your future is who you are now, not who you used to be....

" the past is behind, learn from it, The future is ahead, prepare for it, The present is here, live it" i have put on Jamie Cullum's Twentysomething... finish this blog on the note of  " i'm still having fun and i guess that's the key, i'm 20something and i'll keep being me, I'm a 20something, let me lie in, leave me alone, i'm a 20something..."

Less is More...

Friends always come to me and ask, "tell me everything, you can trust me i am your friend,"no matter what crazy things i had done i wont hide it... i have always smile at them and do as i told, might sound stupid and naive, but in the back of my head i always know, i have chosen to tell them everything, they are the one proving their friendship.. I get to choose...

Than you have lots of other friends doesn't like the fact that i give out so much information, this is the way i am, and I'm not going to change that... i like to see it as communications, in life we always fight over misunderstanding, lack of communications, often we said, oh i didn't think it matter, well if it didn't matter we won't fight about it now dumb ass...what a waste of time and energy... why do we always create dramas.. can anything be simple?
Anyway, a bad day for me, clearly i was upset by a friend's comment... since when i start to care what other thinks...

It is easy to see that in this world as long as i am being myself someone somewhere will have a problem with it... being myself can be very challenging, because trying to fit in to places such as work place, school, or around friends is a normal human reaction...Not everybody is going to like who i am, that is not up to me, and that isn't why i should concern myself with, only give my time to those who are appreciative of the person that i am, not those that will only tolerate me, or try to change me... not going where i am loved for whom i am will surely result in my compromising who i am at heart in order to fit in....
I had lost few friends along the way... but i have come to an understanding of who i have a friendship with... less friends but surly more friendships....

I thought to myself, you have 2 things to worry about, either you are sick or you are healthy, if you are healthy, you have nothing to worry about, but if you are sick you have 2 things to worry about, you will get well, or you will die, if you get well, you have nothing to worry about, but if you die, you will have 2 things to worry about, you will go up, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go down, you will be so busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry... voila... i will be fine always, and have absolutely nothing to worry about, happy day!!!less thinking and concern for what others will think about you... more living please!!
A proverb has change the mood of my day, now I'm going to share it with everyone...
Fear less, hope more, eat less chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more.. hate less , love more, and all good things are yours..

littlemisssunshine
xx