Young forever

I stopped to get some dinner in Waitrose on the way to a friend's flat, as i was in line waiting to pay, found a 6 or 7 year old girl with her mum in front of me who had reach what seemed to be the most dramatic point of her life, I couldn't help but listen to this red faced and puffy-eyed little girl crying talking, "I'm not in a good mood today" in which her mum replied " oh... that's not good sweetheart.." "yeah" she said " i just found out that my friend has been telling everyone that i don't like Barbie, and i totally DO like Barbie this year, so then i asked her why she was telling everyone that i didn't, and she called me a lair."now anyone can imagine how horrible this must be for that poor little girl... to have everyone thinking that she doesn't like Barbie, so of course the mum responded with an understanding "well that's not very nice at all" "no.." she said...as they took their turn at the cashier... i was behind chuckling to myself and thinking "oh.. to be a kid again"

I was pretty tough on a friend who was not feeling the best after a night out.... misunderstood a situation and read into it too far... a mistake a child would never made, silent treatment was given, and i was feeling low...I planned a busy day so i don't have to think about it any further, met up with friends watched a movie i was clearly not going to sit till the end to kill time.
I remember when i was a kid, things were pure and innocent, because i didn't know any better, when people, all people were good and nice.. when i have a terrible fight with a friend, then a kiss and a hug will make things all better after a good cry... watch TV for fun, not for killing time and escape from reality.. playing on the street where we knew we'd be safe but didn't know what to be afraid of. fall asleep at night without a care in the world except for look forward the yummy breakfast mum is going to cook in the morning..We were happy to get an ice cream from the pocket money that we get....

I wish things could be just as simple...9pm still i heard nothing from this so called friend!! I wanted to throw this friendship away and called it an end... drama queen Shannon has awaken... then again I desperately wish i could turn the time back, so i could do less thinking, just be nice, let go and have a good day...

life is complicated, It starts before we're ready, it continues while we're still trying to figure out the point of it, and it ends before we've worked out just what to do.... Me few years ago will go through life beating myself up, and thinking negatively when conditions turns sour. Shutting down when times get hard, and not fighting our natural tendency to just give up, but i have learnt that i want to live my life and i don't want to shut down, I must laugh instead of cry, love someone when it is very easy to hate..stop making problems bigger than it is...be just like when we were kids, easy to be pleased....

Friends are families in my life.. There is no way i will let this one goes... Few nice heart felted messages was sent by me, I throw my pride away.. demand a reply and trying make the best out of a bad situation.. At the end of the day i got to talk my way back to this friendship... I'm smiling, and ready to go to bed happy...

We all have things that we'd want to go back and do again, but the truth is, we can't. We have to live in the now and do what we can to make the best of what we have. If you stop and think back to what you did when you were younger, some of it makes a lot of sense today. A lot of it was really stupid and sure, we have a lot more to worry about these days, but it's all the same stuff. Just stop for one moment in time and make it yours. Live it. Be the moment. Think about what is important to you and think about what it really is that you want... It's not that hard if you just try, it could be just as simple as when you were younger.

littlemisssunshine

xx

Cannes 2011.

Holiday Blue, Monday Blue... oh damn you!! how come you always find your way to ruin my days??

Finally I enjoyed Cannes film festival after going there years after years... great to be there when is busy, but my best memory was when there is less issues with taxis and restaurant bookings...

I'm very glad and blessed to stay in a villa that's on top of the hill with a swimming pool facing the sea, watching the sunrise and a walk in the morning was my high light instead of all the parties under the spot lights south of France.. to top it up i even enjoyed a lemon freshly picked from a lemon tree that grows in the villa... :)))))

But the 1st thing i heard when i arrived was not as dreamy, in fact the opposite, that i was not welcome into a famous Japaness restaurant, Me? what have i done now? Alex was asking me the same question.. "who did you upset now?" "I am the one who is upset now!!!" I replied..

I start to think, not so difficult, this person who i did upset has been on my mind..Because some misunderstanding from the pass, an ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend happened to work at this place, and i was mistaken to be rude to her...

What should i do? Should i say sorry now, I haven't done anything wrong! Sorry for not explain the misunderstanding that has been constant on my mind was surly too late, now everyone thinks I'm a bitch, oh dear what have i done? i was torturing myself with my own thoughts..

Couldn't sleep, woke up with cold sweat.. opened my room's windows walked to the pool side, sun is coming out, my minds start to ease by this beautiful view...

So many of us let the ugliness of our personal live blind us from seeing the beautiful things that the world gives daily, like the rising of the sun, beautiful beaches, smell of the grass in the morning.. there will be always sad times during our life, everyone has their own troubles, but if we are only focus on those things, life will be filled with hate, anger, jealousy, pain, so on with a long list of bad feeling that will only make us worse....
In the pass few months, I have learnt to look at life outside of my situations, it is easy to fall into wallow to complain when things aren't going my way, and now days all you hear is people complaining.. we are never happy...but, instead of letting whatever is going on in my life get the best of me, i have taken time out from my life, To enjoy the beauty of it I went for a long nature walk around the villa, listen to the birds singing, and let the soft sun kisses my skin... do things what i truly love deep down...

I wouldn't be human if i wasn't able to think about my actions before committing to them, but sometimes we all tend to over analyse situations, and listening to google takes way too much time..Alex did suggest me to do nothing, but let him handle it..I wanted to ask my friends what i should do. My army of thoughts stopped by the simple beauties that life has to offer.. I stopped worrying about what everyone else's thinks, and live for my own at that moment!

I sent a text to apologised, didn't bother if i will get a reply or even welcome to go to the restaurant for sushi... I was just so blown away by the beautiful view that's in front of me, all i want to do its to make an other person to feel the happiness from me..

Me enjoying the beautiful natural of Cannes out of the crazy scheduled high life of south of France should happen on a regular basic in my daily life, because by doing so helped me put things into perspective, admire the beauty that life still offers in tough times.

In Cannes this year i truly learnt the meaning of "live the moment," if in every moment in our lives we choose to do just that, think less sometimes, and live more all the time.... as I'm writing this blog, my holiday blue has gone,  A song my friend Max showed me with sad lyrics but perfectly song in a happy style... I'm loving this moment.....

Littlemisssunshine
x

Circle Of Happiness

I was so so so annoyed, my Bank Card has gone... I know its that simple to just call the bank and get a replacement in 5 working day... but It's just annoying that i had used it few mins ago.. where has it gone....

At 1st, I pretended it wasn't happening. then I sat there with my doctor pretending I was listening to him so it will take my mind of it..

Then I was plunged into gloom, Imagining the effort to call the bank and wait for the new card... I'm going crazy over a simple situation...

So I looked into my handbag again, and went into an almost immediate freak because I cant find it.
It happens all the time that i mislay my purse, sunglasses, lipsticks... my doctor David realised something is up, he then asked in his thick Italian accent "Bella what is it happening?" I was answering that question with my head down searching my card like a mad person...

Calmer David then took my bag off me.. and said let me help you... within no time, my card appeared... The bliss i feel upon knowing i haven's lost my card was such a high, It is like the ride of anxiety and the joy of realising I'm safe again is such a ride...

'why did you not ask me to help' David asked.. I must want to put myself through that for some reason rather then remaining calm...... its that simple, a calmer friend's help made me happy... wanting to find my card was pure vexation! David laugh out loud, and said "silly girl, I'm happy now to see you calm... you get better with this energy I'm happy to help"

Asking for help not only make me happy, but also the person i asked(within limits of course). I always think million times before asking someone even a simple question(which equates to a lot of thinking) I have often think I'm bothering others by asking but often find that they are really happy to help... even if it's because they feel sorry for me....

Today I made a friend happy by helping him flat hunting, I'm sure he is making his friends/future flatmates happy by bringing the help to them..

David made me happy because he found my card, he then happy because he is glad he can help.. the happiness came back to me from me helping others earlier of the day...

This is what Circle of happiness means.....even its just little things... the best way of cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up... then happiness will find its way back to you..try It.. It works....

Im also happy that Ed and Thyone are return from what seems the life time holiday!! happy happy day!!

LITTLEMISSSUNSHINE
XX

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Lets change that...

6pm i walked out of the office went to see my happy friend Romain Cohen.. who is always smiling, who is so easy going, who is so pleasant to be around with since the min when we met...on a low day of mine.. the happy him reminded me unknowingly today, the reason why i started to write this blog, I started with the positive way of thinking and live my life by noticing things makes me happy, surrounding by good friends who makes me happy. 

I got on a bike so that the wind of change will extinguish the fire inside me.Thanks to Doggy- Romain's nick name.. I know that although ‘no good deed goes unpunished’. I learnt to accept the punishment, and find a way to deal with it, i put on my fathers favourite song from my iphone, Les Champs-Elysées...... 

What fire inside me?? Here is the start of my day... I saw my doctor.. saw the blood test result ...things are not moving fast enough for me... im not getting better, nor worse...

I hate feeling like this.. I just want to be better or worse in my case, at least i know what to do.....and what am i doing wrong that i don't get to even know what i can do....

See i knew i was right to believe in a philosophy that, “no good deed goes unpunished”. 

I amazed how the result made me feel so low.... just when i keep saying to everyone how to be happy, now im the one believe such philosophy.. It is all from my last few months experience and struggle i guess. i could be so contradicting from time to time...

I believe that we are the masters of our own future but sometimes luck has to shine upon us. I worked very hard for years and for the last few years I sleep with my phone beeping every 2 seconds to help everyone, do favours to people... including Sundays. I have not given much time for myself, to earn my bread. and in return I got sick. Life style i have it.. amazing friends i have it..but now i learnt i'd rather miss a lot of opportunities at work exchange the good moments for myself. i finally got the time for myself, its only because im not well...life is so unfare.. I am burning from inside now. I am much depressed that fire within me will burn myself very soon.

Ok shannon take a deep breath... 1.2.3.. happy day... doesn't work..... got into work hoping to take my mind off things from what i can do the best.... what was i thinking... haven't the pass few month teaches me anything from going into work?? stressful little office that filled with people i love, yes a good start, but all the things they are stressing about seems so little to me...

Holiday blue finally hits me... trip to Oslo was dreamy... Marte Nina nd alex have make the last few days so amazing... it was a chill break.. catching up with the girls took my worries away, listen to their heart speaking makes my heart cry and smile at the same time... they are living in a normal city...less stress yes.. but better quality of life...both of the girls would much rather to have a different life... but i want to live in Oslo... down to earth people trying to have good time at the weekend, might have been too drunk publicly but who cares... they are all just trying to enjoy life forget about the rest, we all have been there being the drunken idiots... live you life....forget about your image and reputations save it for the camera... find our happy moment no matter what way it will be...

We will never be happy, if we looking at the greener grass on the other side...Life is a series of moments and our experiences make us what we are. we ignored many such moments and did not try much to live our life to the fullest. I think I did things in the right way my whole life but it gave me not much but illness. I am proud that I walked the right path to have so many good friends and a good life though it was filled with thorns.

I have taken on my punishment by take time to learn about myself, educate myself from friends, learn about everyone of them..... this moment of Me time on the bike with a good song was just like a visit in heaven... should all try it... it does work!!!

littlemisssunshine

xxx