To be contiune..

2013, a new year, world that we live in didn't end on the date Mayan predicted.. to be honest I was kind of looking forward to it.. I imagined many way of living being one of the survivor.. as if i knew no matter what happen, i am going to be ok.. i guess that's just how you become when you are one of the cancer survivor..

"What happen to your blog Shannon?" "why aren't you writing anymore?" I kept getting asked.. yes, why Shannon? i don't know.. i don't have time!! i have lost my inspirations!!! i cant hardly even remember why i started this blog.. Was i a better person when i was ill?

Confuse.com..

I have got out of cancer but walked into a tougher world... how is that possible.. or is my state of mind has changed? I have picked up my blog with so many questions and its all started after a emergency meeting tonight or shall i say this is the trigger of it...

I saw tears in my boss's eyes the 1st time since i known him... I'm upset, angry but helpless... i found myself in a situation that i cant ignore but face it..

i will never say that i don't have time ever again, i have been given the same amount of the time that were given to everyone, including all the most influential people in the universe...

so 1st step.. i have picked up my blog...

A year later, a healthy me :D

To Start this blog i put on this song on repeat...could not stop smiling... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBup2Xxhmg0

My horrible journey has come to an end.. from the day it came to me like a storm till today it left me with a warm sunny day.. I could not be happier but i cant help but think, "What now? " hello my blog.. i am going to write about what i have learnt....

Through out this battle i have realised who my real friends are, and met new friends..these are the people who kept me going and gave me the incredible strength that i could never possibly have..thanks to all of you who have been here every steps of the way...I have learnt all points below from every single one of you, without you i couldn't have done it.

1. There are moments in life when you wave at someone but they dont wave back..

There are also moments when you trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water is running.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it..

In our life we need one thing to survive, The ability to realize shit happens.. You step in it, Accept it, get over it and keep moving!

2. There's always, a little truth behind every "I don't know"... A little curiosity behind every "I was just wondering"... A little emotion behind every "I don't care"... A little pain behind every "it's okay"... A little love behind every "I hate you"... A little I need you behind every "leave me alone". 

Too many times we are willing to judge a book by its cover, and not to think of things the way that they really might be if we just choose to use our brains a tad bit more in relation to everything that we deal with, including our daily relationships, in life. Deciphering whether or not there may be more to be heard, is solely up to the person that is listening, for it is not valid to only listen because we must try to understand. 

Don't just go to your friends who's in pain and say "owww im so sorry, i hope you will feel better soon", go and help them, find a solution to easy their pain.. dont just be there in present, but really be there for them..Speed of life that we live in.. people dont even have time to listen, people start to care less..for the ones who never stop caring, they are the one will have people who care about them just the way they deserve.. the rest are just brunch of sad lonely souls..

3. I'm thankful for the people who never left. I never take for granted the people that have been in my live through thick and thin, for these are my true friends. having friends like these it's the only things that help to keep me pushing in periods in which all I want to do is give up.  4, I once read, Life is like making tea. boil your ego, evaporate your thought, flute your sorrows, filter your mistakes and get a taste of happiness. Damn right people lets all cry a little, crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. since birth, it has been a sign that you're alive!!  Live a little, go do things that makes you happy even if it means we are doing things thats not right or following a dream that's been laughed at..  Dream a little...dont't be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.  In the end of the day we all know life it's too short... happiness follows who truly live by this saying...  xxx

"one down three to go" Sylvia

Chemo...one down three to go.....

I'm still not sure what the hell is going on, I'm tired all the time, sleep like a bear in the winter.. bone pain comes and go, not to mention all the other pain all around my body..pain killer become my best friend....
The worst part is the bone pain, i was given a shot after my infusion of the chemo to boost the production of the white cells to fight off infection, this stuff is called Neulasta, its a new drug, the name sounds so powerful, and apparently it will help me last..it feels like they were breaking from inside, like the worst growing pain... today its my 3rd days after the chemo... pain is going away... doctor told me that I'm young, I'm fighting it quicker than he think i will, that i am lucky and i should take a walk out of the house... i may just do that.

I see it all the time in books, or movies or worse, "the news". "x,y,z's life changed that day" "that was the day everything changed"I think all of that is bullshit, it takes more than an event or a moment to change a life or a person, this is because change takes time, i may change, but its not because of a day or an event, i will change because of a process, change takes time...a person's life doesn't just change in an instant or in a day! I have always think like that... how long is my change going to take?
I may be better physically, but my brain still seems clueless about the situation, i haven't dealt with any of this on an emotional level, this has taken a long time. way too long...
David my doctor said I'm Lucky, what is luck? i didn't feel lucky, i felt scared, confused, angry, and incredible amount of the pain.. but i can carry on feeling like that, or i can lie to myself that i feel great.....for a moment i pity myself...whats is wrong with u Shannon...once again u ignore the goods focus on the bads...
everyday for me is a changing process, if i choose not to see those things that help me to get better then i will always stay at where i am, confuse.com..
So i start to go through my brain and msgs, found all the treasures that help me to change... FRIENDS..
those who be with me over last weekend to help me forget about this horrible treatment..
those who took me out for my craving on Asian food on Sunday..
those who wanted to hold my hand through out my 1st treatment
those who sat next to me watching me falling asleep, bring me food and make me realise "yes you do listen mouse"
those who bring me flower and sat next to me watch non stop X factor
those who make me smile with never stop encouraging words, jokes "have you done ur marathon around the house yet"
those who want to come cook plain food knowing that i cant keep food down..Tornado
those who being there every time i crying out loud for help just being there to listen......
those who i can get hold with just by a msg on the phone....

I am lucky, amount of the friends along my side.. and the positive energy, supports I'm getting.. yes i am indeed lucky... i have a family of my own, a circle of friends who is my family...

just after Sylvia put me into sleep,brought me a green tea and hot water bottle... she posted on my face book wall ONE DONE THREE TO GO...

xxxx

Love, Hope, and Chemo...

Hello Chemo.... my worst nightmare, Guessing i have no choice but welcome you with both of my arms open... news hit me late today! how much i was hoping to avoid you my new best friend to be...
Thought i was fine.. thought i had a choice... well, it was truly only thoughts...
Thought i was going to cry, thought i was going to shout, many times i fear to hear the word chemo, result to i feel that waiting for the right reason to live is like waiting for boat at the airport.. I hate it with passion that i cry so much lately...think soon i will start to wonder how many of my tears were genuine... i might starts to confuse it with my true feelings... i thought to myself.. fuck it.. i will give up on all treatments with what i have left.. make a to do list and go on many trips and buy whatever i want...

A phone call from a friend, and millions of the thoughts on the rest who are here giving me non stop support...woke me up...

I'm walking down the road, stop at the traffic light, gave way to a lady who is on the phone in a hurry, clearly she doesn't need to cross the road before me, but i smile at her and let her pass, she smile back, and turned to me said,"thank you"... 

I feel good...that's right.. i seem to forgotten the simplest thing that makes me happy... concentrated on myself and my life surly only brought me down... doing something good every day, love people, is the positive way to live life, that simple smile with a thank you made my day...

When i think about it with a pure effort i realize that the only things that truly matter in life are the things that we do to make others happy, and the only thing that will truly matter when we leave this earth are our relationships with the people around us we develop. I have been on the wrong path of life for a short while.. feeling extremely low on long waiting time for my treatment plan, missing out on chasing summer sun... not having the life style i used to, not be able to have the latest fashion items... i ignored that i have my loving friends who worries and never stop looking over my shoulders.. 

When i developed a love for things in my lives instead of for life itself i truly miss the point of life. i forgot that material things may be able to satisfy my appetite for a short while, but love will satisfy appetites for lifetimes. Learn how to love people for who they are and use things around me as water to a plant, only to create growth and beauty, not to create and maintain life. It has been a horrible rainy summer in London, Heavy rain showers remind me of challenges in life, i have learnt never ask for a lighter rain, instead pray for a better umbrella... my umbrellas are all the loving friends who is standing by my side during this tough time.. 

To be able to love the people who loves me.. in my case i need to be health... To be able to be healthy.. i am scare to death but my hope is chemo...

Hello Hope, you came just in time... thank you for not letting me down..thank you, people who make me realised, there is always hope, even in time in which i feel that i will never arise from being down in such a horrible way, there is always hope... when i feel as if i have gone as far as i can go, and all forward progress is halted. There is always hope.. when a friend showed me that my negative thoughts not only hurting myself but is hurting everyone around me... hope came to me.... how many times do i need to listen to my dearest and nearest to tell me that never stop believing in yourself, and never stop believing that things can be better, and stay hopeful...

To end on a positive note...to all the people who care and bring hope to me...
The fish said : "i can't see my tears because I'm in the water"
The water said : "i can feel your tears because you are in my heart."
Lesson : we may hide our own hurts and pains but never can we lie to the people who cares for us the most. Words aren't needed for them to know how we are.

It's a wonderful wonderful life

Many who loves the Tech House DJ Luciano will know the story of this years Ibiza Cadenza opening at Pacha.
On the night, anticipation in the air, He who is the main set DJ that thousands of people travelled to see has nearly cancelled his opening gig...  for those who in the know all holding on their phone and breathe waiting for the latest news on whether he is ever going to turn up. After hours delay, He arrived and gave the audience an outstanding emotional set.. why Emotional? It was because the tragic news of the miscarriage of his wife on that very same night....

Words cannot express the grief one feels when one loses love, in this extreme case, Luciano used music... his music, that particular song he last played at 7am in the morning... the lyric, those wise words are used to heal wounds and help us reflect on the tragedy... speak for his heart, many others heart, like we say, you will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost someone/something you truly love....

Now my story.....On the night I was born, Dad was too nervers, he run off to watch a film in the cinema, and when he saw me the 1st time, he said in a joke, I was too hairy to be his daughter....funny how that was my earlest and deepest memory from then.
When i grow older how much i wanted to be pretty, to be good enough as his Daughter, as i dont see him often, when i do, i will do anything to impresse him. and i will use any opportunity to show him off..
He came to my nursery boarding school, as i begged him to, although knowing he was in a hurry to catch a flight to go on one of his long business trip.. just to change my duvet as the season is changing, really i just wanted to spend abit more time with him..after saying good bye to Dad and a long hug that never was enough, I over heard school teacher complained about him, when entering the classroom..he forgotten to take his shoes off and left dirty shoes mark on the floor, the 4 yr old me picked up a mop and cleaned with anger and tears.. i showed the rest no one should say anything bad about him..
after the 1st summer here in England, i went home with some extra weight, he told me i was fat, and if he was as fat as me, he would never go out of the house...  at the age of 14, i had it... i knew he never loved me.. he had decided that since the day i was born...
since then i have never felt bad to mass out his credit card, drop out from banking after all the paths he had plan for me, choose my career in a way that he was never approved..
Years passed, he knew we were not close, he knew i hated that he never gotten to know me as who i become.. so we rarely speak... till the very end....I got a phone call just before he gotten too weak to speak, the weakest i have ever heard  from him, on the other end of the line i heard him ' I love you my baby, i have always love you.' the 1st time and the last time he said it.
Today my dad's lawyer has sent me a letter he wrote me before he passed, i read "from the 1st moment i saw her i stare at her, thinking to myself she doesn't know yet, may be will never know but i know no one ever can hurt her, this is my baby, i will do anything to protect her....." to end he said" i wish she loves me, and know that i love her more than ever, i wish i told her that enough, not only just the once.." i thought to myself and cried....

Have we ever wondered which hurts the most, saying something and wishing we had not? or saying nothing, and wishing we had? so i have decided from today if i love someone even just for the moment, i say it, i say it right then, out loud, or the moment just will pass me by.... i will not make the classic mistake of you never realised how good you have it until you lose it and let the chances pass me by ever again....

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop, my Dad quoted.... and now i learnt that teardrop was love, brought me senses of happiness that warm my heart... so i put on Luciano's song... and smile...

Everyone is fighting their own battle...even the happy ones, yes...

Very bad week, started with discovered friends who like to pick and choose plan that's beneficial the most to them, follow by having my boss's voice in my ear saying how i had to keep him updated with my condition, when he could have spend that 2 mins ask me instead of asking others, but "no offence I'm your boss you report to me" Alex says.. and on top of everything else he is not happy about, apparently I'm not been trusted for my work.. this are coming from my closest friend/boss... Then i had been told that I'm a unease, complicated person and i explain too much.and i make small things seems bigger.(wow i didn't know i have such many qualities)...... here is how i feel towards to these people..

I am sick and tired of people who have so much sorrow for their own struggles and a total lack of empathy for other peoples struggles. I am tired of attempting to be there for other people, only to discover over and over again, that the carelessness of mind that led to their problems will affect me in the end as they exercise their carelessness with me. I am tired of being unperceivable in my relationships, yet having to navigate the endless projections of others concerning who I may be. I am tired of being interpreted through my performance of self. rather than being judged by my potential to be responsive to everything that effects me. Most of all, I am tired of being used and worn down by obligations to the people I love. I am angry that I surrounded by overwhelming social stupidity and protectionism.

I am perhaps most angry that I am so scare to be alone.. but then it is so frustrating to occupy myself confronting the stupidity in so many people. I am now even angry at myself for the horrible things I wish upon stupid people everywhere who insist on a right and wrong, good and evil.

GRRRR... I have taken a deep breathe.. start finishing me and Sylvia's 1000 pieces puzzle...  it really worked... calm me down instantly..
In life i have learnt that making people happy is the best feeling in the world, but i have seem it with my own eyes feel with my heart, that the person who tries to keep everyone happy is always the most lonely person. so never leave them alone because they will never say they need you.. it is hard to see the signs of loneliness, specially when someone seems so upbeat and happy.. i wish i could be selfish, so i would be less lonely and less angry over misunderstandings....so i have decided to give a break from being happy happy today...not the happiest blog ever... but a lesson....

When something bad/disappointed happens you have 3 choices,
1.You can either let it define you
2. Let it destroy you
3. Or you can let it strengthen you....

Art of drawing without an eraser = life

Very intense 2 weeks, had 8 treatments what made me sleep a lot, and painful while im at it.. lost a lot of brain cells but feeling stronger, or just the price tag of the treatment convenced me that, couldn't figure out. one thing im certain of, quitting ciggy helped thats for sure.

Facebook has became my closest and most loyal friend, I will chat with friends on it, go through peoples pages, find out all sort of things, whats going on in the city, events thats happening, all great informations, the not so pleasant part is to make up story on others life from what people post on their pages, Facebook stalking... Fun from time to time, but i've got suck into a world of attention seeking.... and i was not surprise that everyone does a bit of stalking on it...

My relationship with Facebook its base on my job, I use it to expose myself to thousands of people, tell them where i am and what i'm doing, post some cool musics, funny things i see in my daily life.. healthy relationship i would say, to promote the night club i work at, to delivery a style i have... it works...But when people use Facebook on their personal life and expose their relationship with others, that is when it gets dangers, its really not a rocket science... a simple picture or a statuts will lead to millions questions... when i see those things i DONT like to think twice, i have learnt from life, whatever you read from news paper are not necessarily true.. another point is that, whatever you read, it happened already, its the pass.. what are you going to do.. holding on the history that you read? how about looking forward to future, make you own history??

I was never good at history, i had never show interested in this subject at school.. the only thing i love about it, its hold on to the dreams i had in the pass, and hope one day they will become true in my future. As i go through life i try to remember that i have to go through life not being able to go backwards. Every thing i do and every minute i spend are things done and time spent that i will never be able to get back, so i must choose wisely on how, who and what i devote my time to. A lot of people make mistakes in life and then later on regret them, i learnt to realize that what is done is done, and i can't get it back. We have to live life with no regrets, no animosity towards people or things of the past, so that we won't lose our progress.

It doesn't bother me too much if i see a comment that i dont particularity like on Facebook, i wont press the like bottom thats for sure.. but getting into a war of gossiping, cloud my thoughts with few concern phone calls from the "caring/ nosy" friends, these are the things i try to avoid... ohhh the joy of Facebook stalking... I always said to myself, if you dont want regrets, get yourself out of it now, if you are not sure about anything, ask a question instead of gossip!

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, None of us want to be the type of person that lives everyday thinking of what could have been, and thinking of the things that we wish that we would have done, life is too short to always be thinking should've, would've, could've. its perfectly ok to think things over, but sometimes we just have to take life as it comes by....

We have to learn from our past, and learn from our mistakes, and live without the fear of making a mistake, because it is inevitable that we will, when we go through life we have to imagine that every decision that we make is being written with a huge permanent marker, not a pen and not a pencil. we are going to be reminded of our pasts because of our present situations, but the only thing that can limit you from achieving big things in your future is who you are now, not who you used to be....

" the past is behind, learn from it, The future is ahead, prepare for it, The present is here, live it" i have put on Jamie Cullum's Twentysomething... finish this blog on the note of  " i'm still having fun and i guess that's the key, i'm 20something and i'll keep being me, I'm a 20something, let me lie in, leave me alone, i'm a 20something..."

Less is More...

Friends always come to me and ask, "tell me everything, you can trust me i am your friend,"no matter what crazy things i had done i wont hide it... i have always smile at them and do as i told, might sound stupid and naive, but in the back of my head i always know, i have chosen to tell them everything, they are the one proving their friendship.. I get to choose...

Than you have lots of other friends doesn't like the fact that i give out so much information, this is the way i am, and I'm not going to change that... i like to see it as communications, in life we always fight over misunderstanding, lack of communications, often we said, oh i didn't think it matter, well if it didn't matter we won't fight about it now dumb ass...what a waste of time and energy... why do we always create dramas.. can anything be simple?
Anyway, a bad day for me, clearly i was upset by a friend's comment... since when i start to care what other thinks...

It is easy to see that in this world as long as i am being myself someone somewhere will have a problem with it... being myself can be very challenging, because trying to fit in to places such as work place, school, or around friends is a normal human reaction...Not everybody is going to like who i am, that is not up to me, and that isn't why i should concern myself with, only give my time to those who are appreciative of the person that i am, not those that will only tolerate me, or try to change me... not going where i am loved for whom i am will surely result in my compromising who i am at heart in order to fit in....
I had lost few friends along the way... but i have come to an understanding of who i have a friendship with... less friends but surly more friendships....

I thought to myself, you have 2 things to worry about, either you are sick or you are healthy, if you are healthy, you have nothing to worry about, but if you are sick you have 2 things to worry about, you will get well, or you will die, if you get well, you have nothing to worry about, but if you die, you will have 2 things to worry about, you will go up, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go down, you will be so busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry... voila... i will be fine always, and have absolutely nothing to worry about, happy day!!!less thinking and concern for what others will think about you... more living please!!
A proverb has change the mood of my day, now I'm going to share it with everyone...
Fear less, hope more, eat less chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more.. hate less , love more, and all good things are yours..

littlemisssunshine
xx

Young forever

I stopped to get some dinner in Waitrose on the way to a friend's flat, as i was in line waiting to pay, found a 6 or 7 year old girl with her mum in front of me who had reach what seemed to be the most dramatic point of her life, I couldn't help but listen to this red faced and puffy-eyed little girl crying talking, "I'm not in a good mood today" in which her mum replied " oh... that's not good sweetheart.." "yeah" she said " i just found out that my friend has been telling everyone that i don't like Barbie, and i totally DO like Barbie this year, so then i asked her why she was telling everyone that i didn't, and she called me a lair."now anyone can imagine how horrible this must be for that poor little girl... to have everyone thinking that she doesn't like Barbie, so of course the mum responded with an understanding "well that's not very nice at all" "no.." she said...as they took their turn at the cashier... i was behind chuckling to myself and thinking "oh.. to be a kid again"

I was pretty tough on a friend who was not feeling the best after a night out.... misunderstood a situation and read into it too far... a mistake a child would never made, silent treatment was given, and i was feeling low...I planned a busy day so i don't have to think about it any further, met up with friends watched a movie i was clearly not going to sit till the end to kill time.
I remember when i was a kid, things were pure and innocent, because i didn't know any better, when people, all people were good and nice.. when i have a terrible fight with a friend, then a kiss and a hug will make things all better after a good cry... watch TV for fun, not for killing time and escape from reality.. playing on the street where we knew we'd be safe but didn't know what to be afraid of. fall asleep at night without a care in the world except for look forward the yummy breakfast mum is going to cook in the morning..We were happy to get an ice cream from the pocket money that we get....

I wish things could be just as simple...9pm still i heard nothing from this so called friend!! I wanted to throw this friendship away and called it an end... drama queen Shannon has awaken... then again I desperately wish i could turn the time back, so i could do less thinking, just be nice, let go and have a good day...

life is complicated, It starts before we're ready, it continues while we're still trying to figure out the point of it, and it ends before we've worked out just what to do.... Me few years ago will go through life beating myself up, and thinking negatively when conditions turns sour. Shutting down when times get hard, and not fighting our natural tendency to just give up, but i have learnt that i want to live my life and i don't want to shut down, I must laugh instead of cry, love someone when it is very easy to hate..stop making problems bigger than it is...be just like when we were kids, easy to be pleased....

Friends are families in my life.. There is no way i will let this one goes... Few nice heart felted messages was sent by me, I throw my pride away.. demand a reply and trying make the best out of a bad situation.. At the end of the day i got to talk my way back to this friendship... I'm smiling, and ready to go to bed happy...

We all have things that we'd want to go back and do again, but the truth is, we can't. We have to live in the now and do what we can to make the best of what we have. If you stop and think back to what you did when you were younger, some of it makes a lot of sense today. A lot of it was really stupid and sure, we have a lot more to worry about these days, but it's all the same stuff. Just stop for one moment in time and make it yours. Live it. Be the moment. Think about what is important to you and think about what it really is that you want... It's not that hard if you just try, it could be just as simple as when you were younger.

littlemisssunshine

xx

Cannes 2011.

Holiday Blue, Monday Blue... oh damn you!! how come you always find your way to ruin my days??

Finally I enjoyed Cannes film festival after going there years after years... great to be there when is busy, but my best memory was when there is less issues with taxis and restaurant bookings...

I'm very glad and blessed to stay in a villa that's on top of the hill with a swimming pool facing the sea, watching the sunrise and a walk in the morning was my high light instead of all the parties under the spot lights south of France.. to top it up i even enjoyed a lemon freshly picked from a lemon tree that grows in the villa... :)))))

But the 1st thing i heard when i arrived was not as dreamy, in fact the opposite, that i was not welcome into a famous Japaness restaurant, Me? what have i done now? Alex was asking me the same question.. "who did you upset now?" "I am the one who is upset now!!!" I replied..

I start to think, not so difficult, this person who i did upset has been on my mind..Because some misunderstanding from the pass, an ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend happened to work at this place, and i was mistaken to be rude to her...

What should i do? Should i say sorry now, I haven't done anything wrong! Sorry for not explain the misunderstanding that has been constant on my mind was surly too late, now everyone thinks I'm a bitch, oh dear what have i done? i was torturing myself with my own thoughts..

Couldn't sleep, woke up with cold sweat.. opened my room's windows walked to the pool side, sun is coming out, my minds start to ease by this beautiful view...

So many of us let the ugliness of our personal live blind us from seeing the beautiful things that the world gives daily, like the rising of the sun, beautiful beaches, smell of the grass in the morning.. there will be always sad times during our life, everyone has their own troubles, but if we are only focus on those things, life will be filled with hate, anger, jealousy, pain, so on with a long list of bad feeling that will only make us worse....
In the pass few months, I have learnt to look at life outside of my situations, it is easy to fall into wallow to complain when things aren't going my way, and now days all you hear is people complaining.. we are never happy...but, instead of letting whatever is going on in my life get the best of me, i have taken time out from my life, To enjoy the beauty of it I went for a long nature walk around the villa, listen to the birds singing, and let the soft sun kisses my skin... do things what i truly love deep down...

I wouldn't be human if i wasn't able to think about my actions before committing to them, but sometimes we all tend to over analyse situations, and listening to google takes way too much time..Alex did suggest me to do nothing, but let him handle it..I wanted to ask my friends what i should do. My army of thoughts stopped by the simple beauties that life has to offer.. I stopped worrying about what everyone else's thinks, and live for my own at that moment!

I sent a text to apologised, didn't bother if i will get a reply or even welcome to go to the restaurant for sushi... I was just so blown away by the beautiful view that's in front of me, all i want to do its to make an other person to feel the happiness from me..

Me enjoying the beautiful natural of Cannes out of the crazy scheduled high life of south of France should happen on a regular basic in my daily life, because by doing so helped me put things into perspective, admire the beauty that life still offers in tough times.

In Cannes this year i truly learnt the meaning of "live the moment," if in every moment in our lives we choose to do just that, think less sometimes, and live more all the time.... as I'm writing this blog, my holiday blue has gone,  A song my friend Max showed me with sad lyrics but perfectly song in a happy style... I'm loving this moment.....

Littlemisssunshine
x

Circle Of Happiness

I was so so so annoyed, my Bank Card has gone... I know its that simple to just call the bank and get a replacement in 5 working day... but It's just annoying that i had used it few mins ago.. where has it gone....

At 1st, I pretended it wasn't happening. then I sat there with my doctor pretending I was listening to him so it will take my mind of it..

Then I was plunged into gloom, Imagining the effort to call the bank and wait for the new card... I'm going crazy over a simple situation...

So I looked into my handbag again, and went into an almost immediate freak because I cant find it.
It happens all the time that i mislay my purse, sunglasses, lipsticks... my doctor David realised something is up, he then asked in his thick Italian accent "Bella what is it happening?" I was answering that question with my head down searching my card like a mad person...

Calmer David then took my bag off me.. and said let me help you... within no time, my card appeared... The bliss i feel upon knowing i haven's lost my card was such a high, It is like the ride of anxiety and the joy of realising I'm safe again is such a ride...

'why did you not ask me to help' David asked.. I must want to put myself through that for some reason rather then remaining calm...... its that simple, a calmer friend's help made me happy... wanting to find my card was pure vexation! David laugh out loud, and said "silly girl, I'm happy now to see you calm... you get better with this energy I'm happy to help"

Asking for help not only make me happy, but also the person i asked(within limits of course). I always think million times before asking someone even a simple question(which equates to a lot of thinking) I have often think I'm bothering others by asking but often find that they are really happy to help... even if it's because they feel sorry for me....

Today I made a friend happy by helping him flat hunting, I'm sure he is making his friends/future flatmates happy by bringing the help to them..

David made me happy because he found my card, he then happy because he is glad he can help.. the happiness came back to me from me helping others earlier of the day...

This is what Circle of happiness means.....even its just little things... the best way of cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up... then happiness will find its way back to you..try It.. It works....

Im also happy that Ed and Thyone are return from what seems the life time holiday!! happy happy day!!

LITTLEMISSSUNSHINE
XX

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Lets change that...

6pm i walked out of the office went to see my happy friend Romain Cohen.. who is always smiling, who is so easy going, who is so pleasant to be around with since the min when we met...on a low day of mine.. the happy him reminded me unknowingly today, the reason why i started to write this blog, I started with the positive way of thinking and live my life by noticing things makes me happy, surrounding by good friends who makes me happy. 

I got on a bike so that the wind of change will extinguish the fire inside me.Thanks to Doggy- Romain's nick name.. I know that although ‘no good deed goes unpunished’. I learnt to accept the punishment, and find a way to deal with it, i put on my fathers favourite song from my iphone, Les Champs-Elysées...... 

What fire inside me?? Here is the start of my day... I saw my doctor.. saw the blood test result ...things are not moving fast enough for me... im not getting better, nor worse...

I hate feeling like this.. I just want to be better or worse in my case, at least i know what to do.....and what am i doing wrong that i don't get to even know what i can do....

See i knew i was right to believe in a philosophy that, “no good deed goes unpunished”. 

I amazed how the result made me feel so low.... just when i keep saying to everyone how to be happy, now im the one believe such philosophy.. It is all from my last few months experience and struggle i guess. i could be so contradicting from time to time...

I believe that we are the masters of our own future but sometimes luck has to shine upon us. I worked very hard for years and for the last few years I sleep with my phone beeping every 2 seconds to help everyone, do favours to people... including Sundays. I have not given much time for myself, to earn my bread. and in return I got sick. Life style i have it.. amazing friends i have it..but now i learnt i'd rather miss a lot of opportunities at work exchange the good moments for myself. i finally got the time for myself, its only because im not well...life is so unfare.. I am burning from inside now. I am much depressed that fire within me will burn myself very soon.

Ok shannon take a deep breath... 1.2.3.. happy day... doesn't work..... got into work hoping to take my mind off things from what i can do the best.... what was i thinking... haven't the pass few month teaches me anything from going into work?? stressful little office that filled with people i love, yes a good start, but all the things they are stressing about seems so little to me...

Holiday blue finally hits me... trip to Oslo was dreamy... Marte Nina nd alex have make the last few days so amazing... it was a chill break.. catching up with the girls took my worries away, listen to their heart speaking makes my heart cry and smile at the same time... they are living in a normal city...less stress yes.. but better quality of life...both of the girls would much rather to have a different life... but i want to live in Oslo... down to earth people trying to have good time at the weekend, might have been too drunk publicly but who cares... they are all just trying to enjoy life forget about the rest, we all have been there being the drunken idiots... live you life....forget about your image and reputations save it for the camera... find our happy moment no matter what way it will be...

We will never be happy, if we looking at the greener grass on the other side...Life is a series of moments and our experiences make us what we are. we ignored many such moments and did not try much to live our life to the fullest. I think I did things in the right way my whole life but it gave me not much but illness. I am proud that I walked the right path to have so many good friends and a good life though it was filled with thorns.

I have taken on my punishment by take time to learn about myself, educate myself from friends, learn about everyone of them..... this moment of Me time on the bike with a good song was just like a visit in heaven... should all try it... it does work!!!

littlemisssunshine

xxx

Good News

Royal wedding..... OMG big deal... I have been complaining about it the whole week... which day is the wedding again? Friday 29/04/11
I asked the next day...Which day is the wedding? "FRIDAY!! Shannon i thought you know!!" a friend shouted at me... yes yes yes i knew but i don't...
"It is going to be a night mare to travel in London on the day..." a friend said... i then asked AGAIN"why?'  i was asking a punch on the face...
I went for it... OK... this is ridicules.. people are dying around the world, all British talks about is the wedding.... not only the British, half of the world watched the wedding, and some travelled just to be here... they even make a extra bank holiday for this wedding!!!!!!!
just an other relationship end up hearing the wedding bell.. OK a prince's wedding, he is not even the king!!! love and wedding is a big joke for me anyway.. because i just don't get it.... for me the most important 4 words in any marriage is " I'LL DO THE DISHES". I think what i found the most difficult with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must know how to live with a character.... I am difficult in both, so i never wish anyone will go through that with me...

Had a liter of new blood in my body yesterday.. woke up after a good night sleep, feel stronger!!! OK, lets catch up on what is going on around the world....went on Internet... almost every headline was about the wedding!!
"Damn i missed it............"i thought to myself with a bit of sarcasm... I didn't actually feel a bit of that Damn...

Then i cant help but turn on the TV, I watched the wedding replay, how can i not.. almost every channels was playing it... the pretty dress on Kate, the moment they kiss... the smile on every ones face,

I SMILED.....

There are way too many bad news now days, its troubling, and worrying...you switch on the TV, its all about problems.... 2012 end of the world is a thought that's in my head slowly taken over everything.... Now why was i complaining so much over a simply happy wedding...

That one smile on Kate's face, tells millions of story.... she is not the most beautiful girl in the world, its not because she is beautiful so William loves her, its because William loves her makes her the most beautiful...

Passion makes the world go round, love just makes it a safer place....I was happy to see the wedding replay, i was even happier to read all the comment of how proud the Brits are in a day like this...  this is a good news for a change that's on telly, and it truely made million of people happy... why not?!!!

LITLLEMISSSUNSHINE
XXX

Stay On The Ground....

Sunny weekend in London, couldn't get better than this, lunch with the girls from work... some I know very well, but some just who I work with, bonding lunch Alex quoted.
It was such a great idea, even the weather decided to change just when the lunch ended... It starts to pour!! All good things must come to an end... the lunch was filled with love, laughter and joys, of course picking on Alex was the highlights!!!

So much of life in the elite night club, seeing all the beautiful people in blinks being greeted with VIP treatment from the hottest staff, with most expensive champagne flying in the room...I am very happy to know that me and my circle of friends are able to stay on the ground and be real...

THE GOOD THINGS in life, are not things...
Of course we all live in a society in which subjects are the only ones that are glorified. things such as  bags, shoes, cars, the amount of money we have, and other things tell some people who they are in society, truly if those are the only "good"things in a person's life then more than likely that person is not truly happy!!!

I'm going to Oslo for the weekend to spend sometime with Marte, I wanted to buy her fashion items she might love as a gift, in the end of the day girls like us, loves fashion... but instead Marte gave me a shopping list of salad sauce and snacks!!! that's it??? I asked myself..... and I smile.....

Marte, a beautiful girl who doesn't have a beautiful girls attitude! If there is character for her, she could be the bride in Kill Bill!! She is funny, loving, giving, driven and determine. straight forward and no bullshit.. people wont believe this is who she is by looking at her.. to today i still think she doesn't know how good she is just yet!!!
After living the colourful life of London, She had gone home in Oslo for her doctor career!She belongs to London city, she could flying high here with a different life to be with us, but she has chosen to stay on the ground...
Tough decision to make for a 24 yr old... but she did!!! and she is living by it everyday!!!

I want to get her some thing nice, don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having nice things, I LOVE IT!! but nice things will give you a boost just like red bull, last for few hours few days... To me and Marte, the nicest thing that we have in life are the relationships we build with people, the love we are able to give and get back freely from and to the people that we care about. the positive impact we have on this world, the people we inspire and encourage, and the people who inspire and encourage us!!

Life in Asia, I often see picture of people convening on the ground, to work, to socialize and to eat. they are the people with strong roots in the earth, a Grounded-ness that appears both primal and noble at the same time, Marte has been traveling through Asia when she was young, I start to think as much a banana I am, yellow skin, white within.. she could be the other way round!!!

littlemisssunshine
xxx

Belle et Sébastien

Belle Et Sebastien, one of my favourite Cartoon, I was watching it since the age of 5... a french one funny enough.. Its a sign!!! I should really learn to speak it!!

Enjoyed my Sat night in, chatting about life with a friend, He then use a funny way/ french way to describe bad friends, "they are like cigarettes, one day we will die from it" he is so right!! There are people out there pretend to be my friends to only get something out of me, I don't mind people like that, but what I'm doing wrong it is that i always too nice to people without look deeper and see further who i am being nice to.. then i get disappointed and upset when i realise i mean so little to them...but when i think about it, i say to myself, Shannon once you are nice to these people you instantly sent out a friendship invitation... its up to them to turn up in your circle make you see that if they care! some do but not all of them, you can't expect anything from them.. let your brain do the work, you are a lot of thing but not stupid for sure.
What i learnt since last 2 months, many people did upset me, A LOT, but what i have built from the last 27 years, from being who I am and nice to people, has bring me more happiness than sadness.. Keep the good and quit cigarette!!!

I cried many times with Belle Et Sebastien, a simple cartoon about a young boy Sebastien and his best friend a Mountain dog Belle.

Sebastian is a good natured, kind hearted and energetic young boy, Since he was born, he has been living with his adoptive grandad in a village on Pyrenees mountains in France. children in town tease him because he doesn't have a real mother, his deepest desires are to find his mother and to have a good friend.

Belle, is a large white dog who escaped into french countryside. She is gentle and warmhearted, but her attempts to help those in need are misunderstood. she is labeled " the white monster"

Sebastian has became best friend with Belle, and to save Belle from an unjust fate, Sebastian leaves his adoptive family and begins traveling with Belle. They have many adventures as they elude the police and search for Sebastian's Mother!

Both are carrying sadness but fully fill each others life by real friendship and the happiness that comes with it!!

Moral of the story from both mine and using Bella Et Sebastien is, To live our life is to suffer, although we have a choice in what we suffer. Self-discipline or Disappointment.. the choice is yours.. all in your head...

Littlemisssunshine

xx

GOODNEWS.COM: Not an other post about FRIENDS..

GOODNEWS.COM: Not an other post about FRIENDS..: "Unfortunately I have been moving from city to city since i was a baby, I have no memories of friends who I grow up with, or never given the ..."

Not an other post about FRIENDS..

Unfortunately I have been moving from city to city since i was a baby, I have no memories of friends who I grow up with, or never given the chance to get to know them.
Fortunately I had made friends along my city hooping life style, many many of them, what I'm trying to say here is that, I love meeting new friends, I love discover them, what I love the most its that bringing everyone together new and old!!!

So this post its all about NEW FRIENDS!!

Helena introduce myself to a loving group, I grow to love everyone of them in such different way, I was new, but i was accepted, wont say instantly, but i got there eventually, I am very different, but we all been make different in our own way, I found people always like to judge when they meet new people, but i say give a go, ask a question.. you might missing out a friend for life here.. I sure hope people who got to know me sees me differently, and choose to become my friends.
what makes it work for me with this group is that, there are same old dramas will happen to all of us, group dilemmas.. personality conflicts.. but when we all get together, with or without one or two glass of vino we always have a blast!! but vino always help!!!!!  hahaha....

Most of them has been so supportive since I've got ill... some came through more than a friend that i know for years.... they don't have to, but they did they do and they will always...with what i am going through made me to learn an old friend in a new way, and welcome only the real ones new or old.... when i find a group of friends like this i smile from the bottom of my heart!!! like i said to Marte who brought me a ticket to go to oslo to see her, to have friends like her and the friends i have here, illness just to balance out how lucky i am as a cow!!!!

A new friendship is like an unripened fruit, it may become either an orange or a lemon,in my case I love both, I find friendship more like Red wine, raw when new, ripened with age!!!! my favourite!!!

So for this new friendship I have, thank you my little mouse Helena!! without you i wouldnt be half greek and smiling like the way i am right now....

littlemisssunshine
xxxxx

GOODNEWS.COM: FUNNY THOUGHT OF THE DAY.

GOODNEWS.COM: FUNNY THOUGHT OF THE DAY.: "BEFORE AFTER"

FUNNY THOUGHT OF THE DAY.

BEFORE

AFTER

GOODNEWS.COM: Pandora's BOX I have put u in. YES, that's the one...

GOODNEWS.COM: Pandora's BOX I have put u in. YES, that's the one...: "'In our area, Cant even go out for a run without make myself look good, I have to look good.' Sylvia said. ---why? why cant you be different..."