6pm i walked out of the office went to see my happy friend Romain Cohen.. who is always smiling, who is so easy going, who is so pleasant to be around with since the min when we met...on a low day of mine.. the happy him reminded me unknowingly today, the reason why i started to write this blog, I started with the positive way of thinking and live my life by noticing things makes me happy, surrounding by good friends who makes me happy.
I got on a bike so that the wind of change will extinguish the fire inside me.Thanks to Doggy- Romain's nick name.. I know that although ‘no good deed goes unpunished’. I learnt to accept the punishment, and find a way to deal with it, i put on my fathers favourite song from my iphone, Les Champs-Elysées......
What fire inside me?? Here is the start of my day... I saw my doctor.. saw the blood test result ...things are not moving fast enough for me... im not getting better, nor worse...
I hate feeling like this.. I just want to be better or worse in my case, at least i know what to do.....and what am i doing wrong that i don't get to even know what i can do....
See i knew i was right to believe in a philosophy that, “no good deed goes unpunished”.
I amazed how the result made me feel so low.... just when i keep saying to everyone how to be happy, now im the one believe such philosophy.. It is all from my last few months experience and struggle i guess. i could be so contradicting from time to time...
I believe that we are the masters of our own future but sometimes luck has to shine upon us. I worked very hard for years and for the last few years I sleep with my phone beeping every 2 seconds to help everyone, do favours to people... including Sundays. I have not given much time for myself, to earn my bread. and in return I got sick. Life style i have it.. amazing friends i have it..but now i learnt i'd rather miss a lot of opportunities at work exchange the good moments for myself. i finally got the time for myself, its only because im not well...life is so unfare.. I am burning from inside now. I am much depressed that fire within me will burn myself very soon.
Ok shannon take a deep breath... 1.2.3.. happy day... doesn't work..... got into work hoping to take my mind off things from what i can do the best.... what was i thinking... haven't the pass few month teaches me anything from going into work?? stressful little office that filled with people i love, yes a good start, but all the things they are stressing about seems so little to me...
Holiday blue finally hits me... trip to Oslo was dreamy... Marte Nina nd alex have make the last few days so amazing... it was a chill break.. catching up with the girls took my worries away, listen to their heart speaking makes my heart cry and smile at the same time... they are living in a normal city...less stress yes.. but better quality of life...both of the girls would much rather to have a different life... but i want to live in Oslo... down to earth people trying to have good time at the weekend, might have been too drunk publicly but who cares... they are all just trying to enjoy life forget about the rest, we all have been there being the drunken idiots... live you life....forget about your image and reputations save it for the camera... find our happy moment no matter what way it will be...
We will never be happy, if we looking at the greener grass on the other side...Life is a series of moments and our experiences make us what we are. we ignored many such moments and did not try much to live our life to the fullest. I think I did things in the right way my whole life but it gave me not much but illness. I am proud that I walked the right path to have so many good friends and a good life though it was filled with thorns.
I have taken on my punishment by take time to learn about myself, educate myself from friends, learn about everyone of them..... this moment of Me time on the bike with a good song was just like a visit in heaven... should all try it... it does work!!!
littlemisssunshine
xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment